Absolutely Normal
by Super Sheba
Summary: In which nothing unexpected happens. After all, it's the Kamiya dojo. Everything is expected there.


Absolutely Normal

The sun shone brightly in the clear, blue morning sky as small birds chirped sweetly from their comfortable nests within the trees, and hazy white clouds carpeted the sky, allowing the sun's glow to fall softly on the city of Tokyo in all of its bustling warmth. A patchwork family was positioned lazily around a table set with a scrumptious breakfast, and although they were indoors, they too could not help but notice the perfection of the day with which they had been blessed. Teasing aromas wafted from the delicious food before them, and they stared longingly at its intricate craftsmanship. Soft smiles graced the lips of each individual as they eagerly anticipated the arrival of their cooking companion from the kitchen, and yet, as they continued to wait for their dear friend, he never made his entrance. His presence remained absent from the small table at which his family was seated.

Within the depths of the kitchen, a man with auburn locks stood, his concentration focused completely on the open window. The man was utterly confused as to how the situation in which he found himself was possible. Fluttering above the food that the handsome fellow had just finished preparing was a quick and taunting bird with a menacing personality, and while normally this would have only annoyed Kenshin Himura, in his present state of confusion caused by the small creature attempting to steal his food, his mind was almost devoid of thought. Although it was just a little bird, there was something strange about this bird that had caused Kenshin to blink his eyes several times in amazement, and now he was almost completely convinced that he was caught in some wretched nightmare. Upon the head of the bird sat a dirty and tattered brown hat atop unruly umber hair, and to further add to the madness, the bird was clothed in the attire of a sea-faring man; a pirate, to be exact.

"This one would appreciate it if you would stop stealing Kaoru-dono's food, de gozaru." stated Kenshin in hopes that in his supposed nightmare, the bird could somehow understand his language.

"Commandeer. I'm commandeering Kaoru-dono's food; nautical term." replied the bird correcting Kenshin's most terrible blunder of words.

So it seemed that not only had the bird understood his language, but the bird had spoken his language as well. Astonished, Kenshin pulled a knife out of a drawer and began waving it at the bird with violent intent.

"You'll leave this food alone if you do not want this one to turn you into his next meal, de gozaru yo." threatened Kenshin with a serious tone lining his every word. "This one knows that he vowed to never kill again, but this one was not referring to animals."

"Hmmm, this dish is missing something. Where has all the rum gone?" questioned the bird as it looked at the food it had just sampled. "Your bonnie lass won't like this dish if it has no rum. Savvy?"

"But Kaoru-dono does not hold her alcohol well, de gozaru." answered Kenshin to the bird's odd suggestion, shivering at the thought of the last time Kaoru had consumed alcohol. It was an experience the rurouni had no desire to relive.

With that memory foremost in his thoughts, Kenshin took the knife he was holding and swung it at the sparrow. He did not really wish to murder the poor bird, but he was willing to commit such a heinous deed for his Kaoru-dono. His amethyst eyes flickered amber for a moment as he let his focus fall entirely on the annoying and crude bird.

Believing this would be his final attack with the knife, Kenshin said the bird a silent prayer and forced his knife at the bird, but much to his astonishment, his weapon hit air.

"You will always remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow." tittered the bird as it made its escape through an open window.

Kenshin's jaw dropped as he pinched himself to affirm that he was dreaming, only to his horror to discover that this was no dream. The food he had prepared especially for Kaoru was ruined, covered with the footprints of a sparrow. His previously happy mood had been torn to pieces by the appearance of the bird, and he needed some way to calm himself. He would not, no, could not allow the battousai to emerge over a matter so simple as a common fowl.

Inhaling deeply, Kenshin decided upon an activity that would both soothe his soul and renew his spirit. His concentration upon allowing his anger to cool brought Kenshin to forgo finishing breakfast as he walked about the dojo in search of his precious relief. A smile crept across Kenshin's face as he remembered the wash tub laying out in the yard, and he padded outdoors to do the laundry.

Everything was set out perfectly; the soap, the clean water in the basin, the clothes in the laundry basket. The scene truly refreshed Kenshin as he prepared the soapy water, its lovely scent tickling his nose. He reached into the laundry basket, pretending within his mind that he had no wish to wash Kaoru's clothing, but there was no hope for the poor rurouni as he groped around the basket for the soft material of one of Kaoru's yukatas. When his fingers did not meet the silk, nor any fabric whatsoever, Kenshin blinked uncomprehendingly There was no possibility that there was no laundry needing to be washed, for every day there was at least one piece of clothing that needed a thorough cleaning. Staring at the basket, Kenshin's suspicion that there were no clothes within his basket was affirmed, and for a moment he could only look around him in bewilderment. It wasn't as though the laundry could have walked away by itself, no matter how many times that Yahiko claimed that Kaoru's finest kimonos had done so.

Immediately Kenshin began to investigate Yahiko's actions within the last day, but found the boy to have a clean slate, realizing that he and Yahiko had spent that day together. Kenshin longed to continue his investigation, but his thoughts were interrupted by the sweet voice of a young woman.

"Hey, Kenshin?" asked Kaoru politely, knowing that if she did so, Kenshin would not refuse her offer.

"Yes, Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin replied, a kind smile plastered on his face. "What do you need this one for?"

"Could you go to the market and buy me some tofu for meals? You used up the last of it when you were cooking breakfast."

Blushing in embarrassment, Kenshin nodded in agreement to Kaoru's request, wishing he had noticed the absence of tofu in the kitchen before she had.

"Of course, Kaoru-dono," answered Kenshin as he stood up from the wash tub.

Knowing the laundry would have to wait, Kenshin accepted the bucket from Kaoru's grasp. He was lucky that his face had already turned a shade of scarlet, for when the two's hands met, he began to blush anew. No matter how hard Kenshin tried to suppress the feelings within himself, he could not contain the shivers that traveled up his spine each time his skin made contact with Kaoru's. He turned around in an attempt to hide his face. Although he could not see the hue his face had become, the warmth gathering in his cheeks told him what he was incapable of seeing

He let the gate of the dojo's yard shut with a slam as he trudged in the general direction of the marketplace. It was not a long walk, but being the rurouni he was, Kenshin had learned to enjoy every single smidgeon of the beauty that nature had provided, thus when he encountered quaint little creatures such as chipmunks, deer, and baby tigers on the way to the market, he stopped and held conversation with them.

"Hello, my little ones," said Kenshin as he walked past the assorted creatures situated on the side of the road. "This one will bring you some food on his way home from the market."

When the animals did not respond to Kenshin in his own language, he was filled with relief. After Kenshin had gotten over the shock and amazement of hearing a sparrow talk, he had been utterly horrified, and the fact that these were but normal forest animals brought Kenshin an inner peace as he strolled down the road.

It was not much longer before the marketplace appeared within Kenshin's sight. The small outdoor area was filled with an assortment of stands and goods to meet any need that a person could possibly have. However, unfortunately for Kenshin, the stall where the tofu was being sold lay down past all of the other kiosks. With a sigh, Kenshin began to walk down the path, kindly greeting those who bid him good day.

"Good morning, Himura-san!" called a young woman, her eyes aglow as she stood behind her baked goods with a grin. "Would you care for something sweet?"

Sending the young woman a smile, Kenshin began to wave his hands in the air in a negatory response.

"I'm sorry, Tanaka-san, but this one has only enough money to purchase tofu," Kenshin replied with a wistful gaze.

It was essential that Kenshin continue his journey to the tofu stand so that he could buy tofu. If Kenshin were to fail this mission, then he and the other inhabitants of the dojo would be forced to eat whatever Kaoru decided to make with the remaining food left in their home. Knowing that he and the rest of his friends had no desire to be poisoned, Kenshin hurried his pace towards his destination.

After a terribly long walk, Kenshin reached the stand. He offered the old woman selling the tofu a smile, which she gladly returned.

"Ah, Himura-san, good day!" chirped the old woman as she knowingly took the tofu bucket from his hands and began to fill it with Kenshin's usual order. "The usual for Kamiya-san, yes?"

"How intuitive, Hirawa-san," Kenshin replied as he nodded his head up and down. "That's exactly what this one needs."

"Really, is that all?" Hirawa asked with a slight laugh. "Because that rooster-headed friend of yours seems to be making money off of your dear Kamiya-san's under garments."

It took a good few seconds for Hirawa's words to sink in, and once they had, it took a few more good seconds for Kenshin to realize how utterly furious he was with Sano. How dare he handle Kaoru's underwear? That was HIS job.

Oroing at the realization of his obsessive, but nonetheless amazing thoughts, Kenshin nearly dropped his tofu bucket to the ground. Apparently, it was following his jaw, because when Hirawa caught the bucket with her left hand, she caught his chin in her right and shoved it back to its normal location.

"Thank you, Hirawa-san." stated Kenshin in a grateful, but rushed tone as he returned the tofu to his grasp and began to run in the general direction of his "dear" friend Sano.

From where Kenshin was positioned, he could see the item Sanosuke was currently auctioning off. It was a piece of Kaoru's clothing. However, it was not just any clothing of Kaoru's; it was her favorite kimono. Kenshin was not quite sure how Sanosuke had managed to obtain Kaoru's beloved kimono, as he was sure that Kaoru had once told Sanosuke that he could have that kimono when he pried it out of her cold dead hands. At that moment Kenshin was thankful that he had seen Kaoru that morning, knowing that if he had not, he might have found his hand reaching for his sword and turning it so that the blade was capable of slaughter.

Shaking his head in shame as he attempted to free his mind from such violent thoughts, Kenshin narrowed his eyes, which began to gain amber flickers within their violet depths. Sano had no idea what was coming, and it was probably a good thing that he was so terribly clueless, because the ideas doing cartwheels in Kenshin's mind were scary enough to make a grown man wet himself. Luckily for Sanosuke Sagara, Kenshin took his vow not to kill very seriously, and Sano could look forward to painful bruises at most, rather than his head less than gracefully rolling along the ground leaving a bloody trail in its wake.

As Kenshin glided stealthily towards Sano in a manner much like a predator stalking his prey, his hand upon his sakabatou, he suddenly stopped himself as a familiar and sweet scent filled his nostrils.

White plums; a perfume he had not smelt in years. It was so calming, so refreshing.

The face of a pretty young woman found itself at the front of Kenshin's thoughts.

It had been so long since he had seen her smile, but today, a knowing curve of the lips graced the face of this young woman. He could remember how her ebony locks had delicately framed her face, how each time she had spoken words of silk had come from her lips. He could remember the small hands that had always been there to comfort him, and the will for his life that she had given him.

All thoughts of murdering his young friend fled Kenshin's mind as he reminisced how he had promised that woman to never kill again. He could hear her soft, gentle voice whispering to him that he could not break that vow, no matter how difficult it became to keep it.

Smiling, Kenshin removed his hand from his sword and inhaled deeply, hoping that taking a deep breath would continue to calm him. His steps became light and both of his hands lay peacefully at his side, the tenseness dissipating.

By no means was Kenshin no longer angry with Sano. In fact, he was still irate, but after being reminded of the epitome of peace that had been his wife, he could not bear to harm Sanosuke. He surely had somewhat good, though misguided, intentions.

"Sano, this one needs to talk to you." Kenshin said almost calmly. It was impossible for the poor man to hide all of his anger, after all.

The look that soon overtook Sano's face was a mixture of utter fear, complete horror, and cold realization. He had been caught, and not by just anyone. He had been caught by the King of Laundry himself, and this king happened to be enamored with the owner of the clothes that he was selling. Sano knew immediately that he was in serious trouble. In fact, he was contemplating ending his life right then and there in hopes of avoiding Kenshin's most painful wrath.

"Yeah, about that, Kenshin," Sano muttered as he pulled his buddy off to the side, praying that he would not make a scene. "You see, I sorta lost when I went gambling last night, and I was already out of dough then."

Kenshin was not amused.

"And then I said I'd have the money by the end of today. I thought maybe I had some cash tucked away somewhere, but my stash was empty," explained Sano in a surprised tone.

"Sano, you spent that money three weeks ago on sake that you bought for us and drank all by yourself," Kenshin replied, a bit of frost creeping into his voice.

"Oh, was that it?" Sano asked, feigning innocence, attempting to display a quizzical look upon his face. He failed miserably.

"Yes, that was it." Kenshin stated coldly.

Sano had been selling Kaoru's favorite kimono and her undergarments in order to pay off a gambling debt. Not only had Sano been foolish, but he had lied to Kenshin. This greatly irked Kenshin, and the qualms that had before existed were slowly disappearing from his thoughts.

When the click of a sword being unsheathed was caught by Sano's hearing, he gulped visibly, knowing it was all over. Perhaps lying to his friend had not been such a good idea after all, and perhaps selling the undergarments of Kaoru had also been a bad idea. It would be an absolutely terrible idea after he had been beaten to a pulp, Sano decided, but before Kenshin's sword could make contact with Sano's head, a furious voice caused both the samurai and the street fighter to turn their heads.

That voice was never a good voice to hear, and if Kenshin's wrath had been anything, the wrath of the owner of the aforementioned voice spelt out Sano's absolute and unavoidable doom.

"SANOSUKE SAGARA, WHAT IN SEVEN HELLS ARE YOU DOING WITH MY FAVORITE KIMONO?" shrieked Kaoru as she sent Sano a glare that would make any other human being run for his or her life. "And Kenshin Himura, what are YOU doing with my underwear?"

Kenshin froze in place. It could not be possible. There was no way he was holding Kaoru's underwear. He had his dignity as a gentleman to protect, and he would never disrespect Kaoru publicly in such a way. However, to Kenshin's dismay, when he looked down at his hands, within them was clutched a pair of Kaoru's panties. Suddenly he remembered grabbing them from Sanosuke during their argument, and Kenshin paled.

"Kaoru-dono---" Kenshin said meekly as he began to flush crimson in embarrassment. "This one never meant to handle your undergarments. This one was only saving them from Sano's plot to sell them because he had a nasty gambling debt to pay."

"Sano was doing WHAT?" Kaoru yelled in fury. "SANOSUKE SAGARA, WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO MOVE."

Without a thought or regret Kaoru brandished her bokken and ran straight for Sano. Without difficulty, wood met the skin of Sano's head. It hurt. A lot.

"Gah, Jou-chan, why'd ya have to do that?" Sano asked as he rubbed the sore spot on his head. "It's not like I did anything wrong!"

Again Kaoru's bokken flew through the air and into Sanosuke, but this time, her bokken flew into and smacked the front of Sano's face. His nose began to bleed profusely and turned a shade of violet deeper than that of Kenshin's eyes.

"Oh no, Sano!" cried Kaoru as she ran up to look at his injuries. "What happened to you?"

"You happened to me, dammit!" yelled Sano as he stared annoyedly at Kaoru, his face searing with pain.

"Me?" asked Kaoru innocently. "Why I would never do something like that."

Sano opened his mouth to make a rude comment, but seeing Kaoru's hand again gripping her bokken, he decided to keep his mouth shut.

Picking up the clothes, Kaoru smiled sweetly at Kenshin and Sanosuke, "Let's go home, shall we?"

Kenshin nodded in agreement and Sano clutched his hand to his nose.

"I think that's a great idea, Jou-chan." stated Sano, giving the young woman a grimaced smile.

Kaoru grinned at the two men beside her and took Kenshin's hand in her own. Sano trailed behind them a few feet, and together, they walked home, as though absolutely nothing strange had happened. Besides, nothing was truly strange in the life of Kenshin Himura. It really was just a normal day.

* * *

Author's Note: Happy Two Months Late Birthday, Megan. :D You know who you are. If not, then we're all screwed because you've forgotten your identity. And I'd cry. Long and hard. 

ANYHOW, thank you to Jupe-san for betaing this for me. You rock so much. Thank you as well for giving me such a perfect summary, because I have trouble with those. Thank you number five million for the title. Because I also happen to struggle with those sometimes. And Absolutely Ordinary is the amazing.

Please click that pretty little button and leave me a review. Because reviews make this author happy. You want this author to be happy.


End file.
